


You're no good for me, but baby I want you

by sincerelylourry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Zayn, Boxer Liam, Daddy Kink, Dom Liam, Dom/sub, Drug Addiction, Drug Dealer Liam, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Gun Violence, M/M, Overstimulation, Past Drug Use, Power Bottom Zayn, Spanking, Sub Zayn, Things get intense, Top Liam, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-25
Updated: 2016-04-25
Packaged: 2018-06-04 10:24:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6654259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sincerelylourry/pseuds/sincerelylourry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically, a love story between a drug dealer and a boy who's hopelessly in love and engaged to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're no good for me, but baby I want you

**Author's Note:**

> Some things may not be completely accurate so please bare with me. The title comes from the song "Diet Mountain Dew" by Lana Del Rey. Also, please keep in mind this is all completely fiction.  
> my tumblr is: zourrv.tumblr.com :)

Zayn yawned quietly before stretching out his arms in front of him. He had a long day yesterday and today was a free day which he was thankful for. Normally after waking up and slowly gaining his thoughts, he’d cuddle back into Liam but this wasn’t a first he wasn’t there next to him holding him. Zayn constantly blamed all the protein Liam took and the pre-workout drinks he’d drink for making him constantly energized but he knew it wasn’t. Liam loved waking up early, like the ball of sunshine he was.

Zayn smiled to himself biting his lip recalling last night’s rendezvous to “Help relax” Zayn from finals. The proof that it was amazing was scattered on his body, as well as the messy room. He reached over grabbing Liam’s big hoodie off the floor inhaling Liam’s cologne that fulfilled the sweatshirt. It was a cold morning as usual and naturally Zayn would sleep in but lately his sleep schedule was absolutely crazy. He was just happy to have a day to himself (and hopefully Liam).

“Let’s have a toast to the douchebags, let’s have a toast to the-“ Liam sang walking out of the steamy shower with only a white towel around his waist. “Shit, I didn’t wake you up right?” He asked walking over to Zayn’s side of the bed pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.

“No.” Zayn answered looking up at Liam smiling. “What are your plans today babe?” He asked watching Liam walk over to their shared closet looking for an outfit. Zayn grabbed his phone from where it was charging and looked at notifications that he had missed while sleeping.

“Uhh- got class soon, then, probably nothing. Why?” Liam asked putting on a fresh pair of boxers, glancing over at Zayn.

“I’m free today and I want to spend all day with you. It’s been a while.” He said setting his phone down on the blankets before standing up. “I feel like we haven’t done that in a while, I miss it. We’ve both been super busy.” Zayn admitted walking over to Liam while he quickly changed, obviously running late.

“Aw baby, we will. I promise. We can do whatever you want today, sound good?”

He pressed a kiss to Liam’s cheek, “Perfect.” Zayn briefly smiled knowing Liam wasn’t paying attention much, he knew he was running late and Liam was bullshitting to make him happy. He was about to walk away until Liam grabbed his wrist pulling him back.

“Hey, what’s that face for?” He asked letting go of Zayn’s arm before slipping on his brown timberlands that Zayn loved on him. “C’mon baby talk to me. What’s wrong?” Liam asked spraying on some cologne.

“Nothing, we’ll talk later. You’re gonna be late.” He said kissing Liam’s cheek again.

“And I don’t care, if something is bothering you, I want to know.”

“I just- do you listen to me sometimes?” Zayn asked before overthinking and deciding he was being dramatic. “Never mind it’s all in my head, innit? Ugh, sorry.”

“Zayn, don’t be like that. You’re not overthinking, you feel what you feel, don’t apologize.” Liam said placing his hands on Zayn’s cheeks. “I can’t always figure you out baby, I’m sorry if I seem like I’m not paying attention ‘ve got so much stuff going on in my mind I can’t focus.” He said kissing Zayn’s forehead. “I promise I’ll listen to you all tonight and make it better. Alright?”

“Alright.” Zayn mumbled before kissing him quickly, thanking God for Liam. “You’re gonna be late.” He said after pulling away. “The teachers gonna hate you.”

“He can fuck off, the only one that matters right now is you.” He said pausing to kiss Zayn again. “But I guess I should get going, huh?” Liam chuckled pressing a soft kiss to Zayn’s cheek.

Zayn smiled. “Yes, you should. I’ll see you later.” He half giggled fixing Liam’s damp hair a bit.

“Aw c’mon babe you know it’s hard saying goodbye to you.” Liam whined walking to the door looking frantically for his jacket, much to his relief Zayn was already handing it over to him. “Thank you.” He said kissing him quickly.

“I love you.” Zayn mumbled against Liam’s lips.

Liam pulled away with a smile. “I love you too.” He said opening the door walking to his old red pick-up truck. On that note Zayn closed the door as Liam drove off to class. He sighed looking around at their apartment, it was a bit of a mess of course but Zayn couldn’t care less. It felt homey and that’s how they both liked it, especially when the other was gone, it felt less lonely.

As young as they both were, to someone who didn’t know them, it would seem like they’d been married for years and that’s because of how well they worked together. Although Zayn was confusing at times, Liam was always patient with him and vice versa. Sometimes though, Liam would lose his temper due to the stress that consistently stayed in the back of his head and as uncontrollable as he seemed Zayn was always there calming him. They would always be there for each other. It was love, and sometimes that’s all they seemed to have.

-

After Zayn took a shower and picked up around the house he of course called Louis out of pure boredom.

“Hello?” Louis answered after the first couple of rings.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Zayn asked while warming up some tea.

“Other than being fucking bored as shit- nothing. Why?”

“Wanna come over?” Zayn asked pouring a cup of tea for himself. “I finally got the new Halo.”

“Be there in five babe.” Louis said before hanging up causing Zayn to laugh at his childishness. He knew video games was the way to his heart. Liam and Zayn had so many video games and although Zayn was shit at them, Liam loved them so of course Zayn would always try and play. Which afterwards always ended up in Zayn either sitting next to Liam reading or either Zayn sitting on Liam’s lap begging for attention.

It wasn’t long before Louis arrived, of course with a few beers in hand, as if Zayn didn’t have enough alcohol in the fridge. “That was fast.” Zayn laughed watching Louis walk in eagerly.

“Harry said I should stop buying so many fucking games because it’s a waste of money and because I get moody when I lose but I can’t say no to his beautiful face. It’s impossible.” Louis sighed rolling his eyes popping open a beer. “Liam’s at school?” He asked looking around curiously.

“Yeah- today’s Wednesday. I wanted to spend the whole day with him but-“

“Oi, so I’m second best?” Louis said dramatically after taking a sip of his beer.

“Shut up you know what I meant.” Zayn laughed sitting down next to him. “Better for you because otherwise you’d be third wheeling.”

“Fuck no, I’d rather not show up. At least Harry and I don’t do that.” Louis said setting down his beer on the coffee table.

“Pfft. Yeah, okay. Anyways- let’s play already.” Zayn suggested grabbing a controller. “I think I finally got the hang of it.”

“Yeah okay.” Louis rolled his eyes as Zayn started up the game.

The next hour or so consisted of Louis cursing and Zayn struggling to figure out what the hell was happening the whole time. Eventually Zayn called it quits while Louis continued playing on his own, which was usually how these things ended, up until Louis got too mad and stopped playing.

“This is fucking bullshit, everyone is a fucktwat.” Louis groaned setting the controller down.

“It’s just a game, Lou.” Zayn mumbled doodling in his notebook.

“Ugh!” Louis whined before taking a deep breath. “Anyways,” He said after collecting himself. “How are you?” He asked looking at Zayn carefully.

“Hmm- ‘m fine.” He replied setting his notebook down on the coffee table after closing it. “Money is coming in, school is fine, ‘ve got good friends, and Liam makes me happy. What more could I want?”

“A better boyfriend.” Louis mumbled leaning back into the couch. In almost a split second after Louis said that Zayn was throwing a pillow at him. “Oi!”

“Don’t say that!” Zayn groaned rolling his eyes. He’s heard it all before, the last person he needed saying it was Louis. “Twat.”

“I’m saying it because I care. I mean how many times has he been shot at? He’s a drug dealer for fuck sakes! He can’t keep a steady job and he’s- he’s just crazy!” Louis ranted.

“Used to be drug dealer!” Zayn retorted, Liam had been through so much that only Zayn knew about, it was only natural he defended him. “He’s never _actually_ been shot- it wasn’t even his fault. Louis, can’t we go a day where you don’t give me shit for dating him? You’re the one dating his best friend, aren’t you?” Zayn said rolling his eyes.

“He threatened to kill me if I broke Harry’s heart! Crazy!”

“He was joking around. He’d never do that- he’s a giant teddy bear. Now shut up, _mom_.” Zayn groaned turning on the tv, flicking through Netflix options.

“Yeah a giant boxing teddy bear.” Louis rolled his eyes before getting another pillow thrown at his face. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop for today…but I’ve got an eye on him. If he hurts you I-“

“Okay, okay, shut up. He’ll be home soon anyways.” Zayn said happily, watching Louis stand up.

“Which means I should get going- I’d rather not third wheel and besides, I gotta work soon.” He said checking the time on his phone before looking at Zayn sympathetically. “We’ll hang out again later, though. Good luck with date night.”

“Hah, it will.” Zayn winked following Louis to close the door on his way out. “See you later, Lou. Call me when you get home.”

“Look at who’s mom now!” Louis shouted walking to his car. In Zayn’s defensive he practically said that to everyone out of habit, it gave him the reassurance he needed.

When Zayn looked at the apartment from the doorway that’s when he realized how messy it truly was despite him having picked up around the living room earlier. Zayn and Liam were always so busy or caught up in each other that they hadn’t noticed or at least Zayn hadn’t. With nothing to do Zayn decided to clean, and it’s not that he hated cleaning, he didn’t mind it in fact but he hated how empty it truly felt when the entire apartment was clean, he liked some sort of clutter.

After practically cleaning everything, Zayn found himself tired and sweaty which was usually how these deep cleaning sessions ended. Eventually after procrastinating on his phone for almost half an hour on the made bed he finally forced himself to shower, afterwards though (of course after forcing himself to get out of the warm shower) he tugged on one of Liam’s hoodies yet again and lazily looking through his drawer for a pair of cute underwear humming along to The Weeknd, getting frustrated when it stopped abruptly from a phone call coming through.

“Hello?” He said holding the phone between his shoulder and ear.

“I got home safe.” Louis said.

“Oh, okay good. Wait! Before you hang up, I need help.”

“With what?” He asked quickly.

“Should I wear a thong tonight or is that too kinky? Or should I wear the cheeky style, or is that like not enough?”

“Hmm, it depends, how are you feeling?”

“This is why I’m asking. I have like no ass-“

“I’m telling you! Squats!” Louis cut him off. “Go for cheeky but like a little lace, it’ll make your ass look better.”

“Gee, thanks.” Zayn said grabbing a pair, wiggling them on.

“Next time I go to the gym, I’ll let you know.”

“Okay, yeah, whatever. Gotta go, love you.”

“Love you too, have fun!” Louis said before hanging up.

Zayn placed his phone on the dresser, looking into the mirror turning to look down at his butt. “S’not that small.” He mumbled to himself before digging through his drawers looking for a pair of sweats before deciding not to wear any.

He grabbed his phone from the dresser, scrolling through social media while walking to the kitchen, careful not to run into any walls or doors. After getting caught up on social media he looked through the fridge for any possible dinner options, much to his dismay there wasn’t much and he was far too lazy to cook. So, he went to the living room sitting on the couch getting his English books out along with his notebook and glasses. This was his usual routine when he wasn’t cooking, doing homework while sending a text to Liam to either pick up some groceries or get take out.

However, this time while doing homework Liam came home much earlier than usual, smiling brightly when he saw Zayn. “Hey, gorgeous.” He said setting his backpack down before walking over to him giving him a quick kiss. “Missed you.”

“Me too but-“ Zayn said setting his books and notebooks on the empty side of the couch. “What are you doing home early?” He asked while standing up.

“Finished my test early,” Liam said placing his hands on Zayn’s waist. “I just got your text when I parked so I figured, let’s go somewhere to eat, some place really nice, yeah?”

“As in- suit and tie type of nice?” Zayn asked for more clarity, looking up at him scrunching up his nose at the idea of a prestigious restaurant.

Liam nodded. “Mhm, I know you’ve been stressing with school so much and I just want to treat you out baby. And don’t think I haven’t noticed how clean the house is- like, you just- deserve it.”

Zayn smiled softly followed by a sigh. “But, Liam we both know how you don’t like crowds and small crammed areas. And- it’ll be expensive, and before you start yes I know you just got paid but-“

“But nothing. Why do you never want to go somewhere nice? Zayn, please- you deserve everything nice in this world.” Liam said looking slightly frustrated.

~

_December 16 th, 2014_

_One Year._

“I love you.” Zayn said for the millionth time, holding Liam’s hand tightly, walking into the restaurant.

Liam smiled, pulling him closer. “I love you more, my beautiful prince.” He said glancing at him as the dim lights highlighted his prominent features. Zayn’s beauty enthralled Liam every time he looked at him, he found a new feature to admire each time.

“Stop it.” Zayn said nudging him gently, his cheeks tinted a soft rose color. “Have you not seen yourself?” He asked stopping next to the podium to kiss him briefly while waiting for a waiter, only to be stopped abruptly by a man.

“Well, well, well, we were all right about you. A fucking _fag_.” A man in a luxurious suit spat walking towards them. “Who would’ve thought you of all people? Bloody hell!” He laughed.

Liam stepped in front of Zayn rolling his eyes. “What the fuck do you want from us?” He snapped, not letting go of Zayn’s hand.

“Oh I dunno, the thousand dollars you owe me?” The man said, bitterly slurring his words. “Yeah, he’s not the perfect man.” He said looking at Zayn. “He’s a worthless crack head with no future. Just ask him, just last year he would’ve killed for some heroin!” He laughed.

“That’s not true,” Zayn said, almost in a whisper shaking his head. “Just fuck off, you’re fucking pissed and Liam doesn’t owe you shit.”

“Oh, you wanna talk? You’re a feisty little thing.” The man said stepping towards Zayn. “You’d look better with those pretty lips around my cock, ‘cause you love cock you _fucking_ fa-“

Liam didn’t hesitate to punch him once he got close, dropping Zayn’s hand. “Don’t you dare fucking talk to him like that you piece of shit!” He shouted, pinning him against the wall. “I don’t owe you anything don-“

“Liam, stop!” Zayn said pulling him back, glancing down at the man now on the floor as blood trickled down his nose.

“No! He fucking does shit like this an-“

“Sir, we’re going to need you all to leave.” A large security man said, gesturing towards the door.

Zayn stayed quiet, leaving the restaurant instantly. Liam completely ignored everyone else, following Zayn. “Babe, fuck, I’m sor-“

“You’re what?!” Zayn said cutting him off, turning around. “Liam I know you care but- just once can we stay out of trouble, for once?! I know you can’t escape some things but, ugh.” He groaned walking to the car.

“I don’t want people treating you like that Zayn! It’s not okay and that twat deserved it- he was talking down to us. Zayn, please.” Liam begged, looking at him only to get ignored.

“Unlock the car.” Zayn mumbled crossing his arms, glaring at him like a child. “Don’t be a dick.”

“Nope.” Liam said, being stubborn right back. “This is ridiculous, Zayn, okay yes- I’m sorry I can’t be completely okay when people are rude to you. We’ll go somewhere else, okay?”

Zayn stayed quiet, staring at Liam. “Unlock the fucking car or I’ll walk home, I don’t want to go anywhere or else you’ll probably fucking hurt someone who looks at me wrong.” He said, clenching his jaw.

“Zayn just tell me what’s wrong.” Liam groaned. “I said it once and I’ll say it again, I’m sorry. I’m fucking crazy for being uncivil and I let my emotions get the best of me. I’m a recovering addict and I get defensive when people bring up shit!” He said.

Zayn bit his lip, knowing things were spilling out of Liam like word vomit. “Don’t do that Liam.” He mumbled uncrossing his arms.

“It’s hard but- when someone talks shit like that, especially in public it gets to me and I’m not calm like you.” He said shaking his head. “I fucking love you and it’s our one year anniversary and god damn it, it was supposed to be perfect. I mean, it still could be but fuck.” Liam sighed deeply, calming down. “Look,” He paused. “I’m sorry, Zayn. Really. I-“

Zayn kissed him cutting him off before he ranted. He rested his forehead against Liam’s, standing on his tip toes. “Babe, I get it. I’m sorry too and I over reacted. I don’t wanna argue, okay? You mean everything to me.” He said pressing a kiss to his nose. “And I fucking love you too.” He said before kissing him again.

~

“It’s not me though, or you. Neither of us like that shit Liam, you know that. I could be the richest person ever and I’d still choose this. Living a simple life, in a small neighborhood, with you by my side. That’s all I need baby. Plus it’s not like we have a lot of options.” He giggled.

“I want the best for you, Zayn. If I could, I’d get you anything you ever wanted.” Liam said pouting.

“Liam, all I ever want is for you to keep loving me and from what I know that doesn’t cost anything.” Zayn said wrapping his arms loosely around Liam’s neck. “I love you.”

Liam sighed in defeat. “I love you too, my love. So no expensive dinner date? Or are you going to justify our entire lives?” He asked teasingly before kissing him slowly.

Zayn abruptly pulled away. “Hm,” He hummed. “Nah, I’m starving so I’ll take up that offer.” He laughed before walking to the bedroom.

“Oh, okay! Should’ve just said that then!” Liam said watching Zayn disappear into the bedroom. “Woah hold on, beautiful!” He said looking him up and down following him into the bedroom eagerly, hearing a soft laugh from Zayn.

-

Zayn smiled across from Liam at the dinner table. They’d almost missed their reservations due to the fun they had prior but, they managed to show up on time by cutting it short leaving a sexually frustrated Zayn.

It was worth it though, Liam looked absolutely beautiful in a nice outfit, nearly ripping his button up from his muscles that grew since the last time he wore it. “Baby,” Liam broke the silence between them holding Zayn’s hand. “Why’re you so quiet?” He asked lowly.

“Just looking at the menu, Li.” Zayn mumbled closing the menu before looking at Liam.

Liam sighed. He knew Zayn was uncomfortable and felt bad, it was like Zayn was trying to turn invisible but it wasn’t working. “C’mon tell me.” Liam urged him.

“It feels like people are staring.” He mumbled yet again, glancing around awkwardly trying not to make accidental eye contact. “There’s not something on my face is there?”

“No, beautiful.” Liam said watching the waiter walk to their table. After they both ordered Liam held onto Zayn’s hand. “I love you, Zayn.”

“I love you too, Liam.” Zayn smiled brightly.

“I’ll never understand why you chose me.” He said holding onto Zayn’s hand. They were an unlikely pair, as cliché as it sounded. Zayn was into studying and reading while Liam on the other hand was into boxing.

~

_December 1 st, 2013_

“I’ll be home soon, Lou. Love you, bye.” Zayn said hanging up before looking at his surroundings, unfamiliar street names. He’d only been in this part of the neighborhood a few times and that was with directions and a higher battery on his phone. No matter though, he was determined to find the library he needed a specific text book for English class.

Eventually he caved in and walked into a building that looked familiar. Probably a place Louis dragged him to a long time ago but, this time was different. The lights were dimmed and all he heard was grunting. _Perfect_. He walked in on someone having sex in some type of shitty gym, romance at its finest.

Carefully he snuck through a hallway full of lockers looking to see who was grunting. Eventually he figured it wasn’t someone having sex, it was someone practicing in front of a mirror certain types of punches. Zayn was so concentrated on his movements he forgot to focus on his own as he bumped into a tower of weights causing one to fall loudly against the floor. “Shit!”

The boy instantly stopped, pausing his music. “Who the fuck is there?” He said clearly pissed that someone interrupted his focus. “I swear to fucking god if that’s you Chris-“

“No! No! I’m not Chris!” Zayn said holding his arms up defensively as the boy walked towards him. “I- I got lost but I didn’t want to bother you, you seemed busy.” He said lowering his arms looking at him in the eyes, taking his appearance in. He was buff, about an inch taller than him, and absolutely stunning.

“Is that why you were fucking sneaking around? Who the fuck sent you?” He practically spat in defense.

“For fuck’s sake! No one sent me! I was trying to find the library!” Zayn said frustrated.

“Oh,” Liam replied, his face softening up. “I’m sorry- I just, yeah- here, let me help you.” He said offering his hand that was covered in bruises. “I get kind of-“ He paused for a moment thinking of the proper word. “angry, when people disturb my workout.”

“Yeah, I see that.” Zayn said rolling his eyes, stepping away from the weights. “I’m sorry for bothering. Do you by any chance, have an iPhone charger? Or can you give me directions?”

“How far are you away from home? Library is only a few blocks away but, I think it’s closed.” Liam said walking towards his phone unplugging it from its charger handing it to Zayn.

“Not too far, that’s why I walked here but, its whateves. I just needed directions.” He said setting his backpack down. “Thanks for letting me use your charger. Just continue your workout don’t mind me.”

“If I’m being completely honest I can’t. I’m distracted by your beauty.” Liam said smiling, using the bottom of his shirt to wipe sweat off his forehead.

“How many times have you used that line?” Zayn said rolling his eyes waiting for his phone to turn on. The last thing he needed was a boy who’d use him.

Liam shook his head sitting down next to Zayn on the floor after putting the weights he was using back in their place. “Only when I mean it. I don’t mean to sound like some asshole who’s hitting on you but, I genuinely mean it.”

Zayn blushed at that. He knew this guy was probably just some fuckboy but he couldn’t help but blush at the compliment. “Thank you. You’re not too bad yourself.” He chuckled looking at Liam’s toned body, admiring every inch. Little did Zayn know that Liam was doing the exact same thing.

~

After they both finished their meals and all was said and done, Liam was driving down an unfamiliar street. Zayn was used to getting into weird little adventures with Liam so it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary but this time his curiosity got the best of him. “Where are we headed?” Zayn asked over the low music playing.

“You’ll see, babe. We’re almost there.” He said holding Zayn’s hand focusing on the road.

Zayn stayed quiet, looking out the window eyeing the graffiti he saw on some walls. He was slowly dozing off until Liam slowed down the car into a rather empty parking lot. “We’re here.” Liam said letting go of Zayn’s hand turning off the car.

Zayn blinked a little taking in his surroundings from what he could see. An old neon sign lit up “blue motel” it flickered slowly in blue and pink fluorescent colors. “A motel, Li? Really?” Zayn chuckled looking at him getting a small nod in return.

 

“You’ll see. C’mon.” Liam replied getting out of the car, Zayn followed his actions and held Liam’s hand once they were both stood outside the car. “I know you think it’s just some old run down motel where teens escape to smoke or do a line but- there’s a type of myth here. A story really.”

Zayn smiled following where Liam lead, holding tightly onto his hand. “I’m intrigued.” He said slowly, listening.

“There’s a specific room- everyone claims that they fall in love in. It’s secluded, quiet, and the atmosphere is nice and calming. My parents actually met in there when they were with a group of friends- they said it was magical.” He laughed awkwardly. “It’s cheesy, I know, but- when I was little it sounded amazing like, some real life 90s love story.” Liam trailed off smiling sheepishly, even after all this time they’ve been together Liam still blushed after rambling as if it was embarrassing (something that Zayn secretly loved). “I know how much they love each other and that was always the ideal thing for me- being with my best friend like, in love.”

Zayn smiled looking at Liam knowing that a place meant so much to him and for Liam to share something so personal meant the world to Zayn. The way he was rambling was proof enough- he only did that when he was nervous or passionate which was something Zayn learned easily on his own.

“And I want you to know how much I love you Zayn. The feeling I get when I look at you is unexplainable, every time you look at me it still feels new to me. I love every aspect of you and if I could give you the stars I would, because I know how much you look at them in admiration and I know how you feel because, well, you’re my star.” Liam stopped walking, looking at Zayn carefully.

Zayn squeezed Liam’s hand, “Liam.” He said cautiously unsure of why Liam was getting emotional, it wasn’t too bizarre but this felt different.

“I never thought about what love felt like, I never felt it. But with you I know, I know what love feels like because when I hear the word love all I can think about is you, the way you act, the way you always listen to me. And I can’t thank the universe enough for you. When I first met you, you were on my mind all the time and I kept thinking about how beautiful you were, the way you spoke made me want to listen to you for hours. And even now, you’re my best friend and boyfriend, and I feel so lucky. My luck was never good but with you by my side- I know I can get through anything.” He paused, smiling bashfully, taking a deep breath. “You held my hand through my addictions, through recovery, through the hard parts and through the best parts of life. And, I would like to know- if I could hold your hand in marriage?” Liam asked getting on one knee pulling out a small gold band with one small diamond on the top. “Will you marry me, Zayn?”

Zayn used his free hand to cover his mouth in shock while looking at Liam then at the ring. “Oh my god- yes! Yes! Are you serious? Oh my god, yes!” His hand shook while Liam placed the ring on his finger, he chuckled standing up to kiss him. Now crying, Zayn looked up at him in disbelief. “Is this for real? Liam, oh my god!” He mumbled against Liam’s lips kissing him eagerly, tears pouring down his cheeks as he held tightly to Liam’s cheeks.

After calming down from the shock, he whispered, “We’re engaged.” the words sounding foreign to him as he spoke.

Liam smiled brightly, his thumbs wiping away Zayn’s tears as he held his face delicately. “We’re engaged, baby.” He repeated adjusting to the phrase. “I love you.”

“I love you too baby, so fucking much.” Zayn said while smiling. “I can’t believe you sometimes, you know that? You always surprise me.” He admitted while continuing to kiss Liam. Eventually they made their way in front of a motel room door, pulling apart from their make out session.

“Room 95 it is then,” Liam smirked picking the lock with a paperclip. “Hope you don’t mind babes.”

“Almost two years with you and these adventures are always something new. Not gonna lie though they’re the best ones but, a motel? Is it even clean?” Zayn asked watching Liam pick the lock stepping inside once he unlocked it.

“I like it- it’s got a lot of character.” Liam said watching Zayn inspect it carefully before going behind him and wrapping his arms around Zayn’s small torso. “Feels homey,” He commented while looking at the room. “What do you think?”

“I think I’m in love with you.” Zayn chuckled looking down at Liam’s hands, placing his hand on top of Liam’s. “I think this place is alright, s’not too bad.” He said before turning around to face Liam. “The aesthetic of it is nice.”

Liam laughed rolling his eyes playfully, “There you go again with aesthetics.” He smiled dropping his hands to Zayn’s hips, leaning his forehead against his. “You’re so fucking beautiful- magnificent, intelligent, brilliant.”

Zayn couldn’t contain his smile that creeped onto his lips as he buried his face into Liam’s neck. “I don’t think anyone can compare to you my love, no words can describe it.” He sighed softly, content with the silence that lingered in the room. It was pure mutual love.

-

Days had passed since their engagement and the hickeys were still apparent. The love was still there too, hell it’d always be there but, Liam was more in a different state of mind than Zayn was. His thoughts were somewhere else and Zayn was constantly trying to bring him back.

Zayn was currently curled up on the couch, writing some English notes in his notebook while some chicken cooked on the stove. It was usually quiet until Liam got home (being the extrovert he was). However, when Liam walked into the apartment the atmosphere was still the same.

“Hi bebz.” Zayn smiled, closing his notebook only getting a quick glance and small smile in return. He took what he got in return accepting it for now until Liam would finally say what’s wrong. A million thoughts were running through Zayn’s mind as he got up to check the food. What could Zayn have done? Was it school? Was it a financial problem? Was-

“I love you.” Liam said wrapping an arm around Zayn’s waist, pressing a kiss to his temple. “What’s wrong, baby?” He asked after Zayn didn’t respond to the ‘I love you’. “You cleaned the entire house- don’t think I didn’t notice.” And it was true, Liam caught him red handed, Zayn always cleaned when he was in deep thought.

“Nothing, love you too.” He replied, sounding a little more upset than what he intended. In the corner of his eye though, he saw Liam frown a bit at that. Of course, Zayn being stubborn he ignored it and continued on his way to look for a certain spice.

“No,” Liam said being stubborn right back. “Baby, sit down. Tell me what’s wrong- the food can wait.”

Zayn huffed, pouting while giving in. He sat on the counter after lowering the heat on the stove. “Liam, I love you with all my heart- and- and when you don’t tell me what’s wrong with you that’s the problem. Because I start blaming myself and I just don’t like, understand why you’ve been acting different like, did becoming engage change what we were?”

“What? Babe- no. Not at all, I love you and no relationship label can change that.” He said pacing back and forth in the small kitchen trying to form the right words. “I just-“

Zayn frowned a little bracing himself for whatever words would escape Liam’s mouth, fiddling with his ring, a new gained habit of his. He couldn’t help but further blame himself, assuming the worse as his anxiety started to take over his thoughts. “Is it- is it me?” He nervously asked needing reassurance.

“No, no- love, no.” He said standing in between Zayn’s legs. “Baby, it’s not you. It’s- it’s my parents.” Liam sighed. “I started talking to them again, well my sister practically forced me to but, I’m just not sure how to react to it. Like, it’s been so long. The last memory I have of them is them kicking me out and saying things to me that I wish they would’ve never said. They wanted me to be successful- the perfect straight, smart, wealthy man. And I’m the complete opposite, Z. I’m a gay, stupid, poor, recovering drug addict- fuck. Like, I’m fucking- ugh.” He said angrily, wiping away at his tears frustrated at himself.

“Hey, hey, shh” Zayn said dismissing his own sadness, rubbing at Liam’s back. “Baby, we all start somewhere and the fact that you turned your life around for the better is amazing. I’m proud of you, my love. Drugs don’t control you anymore and you’re slowly saving money. Things are turning around.” He said in an attempt to make Liam happier.

“It’s just hard,” He sighed softly. “Thank you though, really. I didn’t want to put my sadness upon you but thanks for listening.” Liam paused standing up straight to look at Zayn clearer. “What would I do without such a wonderful little thing like you?” He asked pressing a firm kiss to Zayn’s forehead.

Zayn half smiled. “Don’t know, probably be lost?” He giggled light heartedly. “Anyways, I’m always here to listen, okay? I want to know everything- and you better tell me okay?” He asked loosely hanging his arms around Liam’s neck, tugging him closer. “Or else.” He threatened with a wink to lighten the mood.

“Oh? That a challenge baby?” Liam teased kissing Zayn quickly. “What are you gonna do?”

Zayn laughed. “Gonna burn the fucking food, now let me be because I swear this time I know I’ve nailed down this fucking recipe.” He said hopping off the counter, turning around to look for a certain spice.

“Alright, alright- I love you beautiful.” Liam said eyeing Zayn quietly in admiration. He loved how determined Zayn was all the time, even as something small as a meal, he loved it.

-

The next few weeks were uneventful, their schedule was all still the same. Every now and then though, Liam was still a bit off but Zayn knew Liam was going through some things and never questioned it too much, never wanting to add fuel to the fire.

On a brighter note though, today was Friday meaning it was “Friends” night, in which Niall (Liam’s old friend), Louis, and Harry would join Zayn and Liam for whatever they all wanted to do.

Tonight was just a night in at the “love shack” (which Niall teasingly called Zayn and Liam’s house), it had been raining all day making all of them more sluggish and fatigued. At the moment, Zayn and Louis were buying all kinds of junk food and Harry and Liam were cooking while Niall chose a movie and “helped” with the cooking.

Louis was quietly driving back from the store until he broke the silence (apart from the low music playing). “So, how are you and Liam?” He asked while focused on the road. “Y’know with marriage and everything.”

“S’all good. He’s just- seems a little off lately, dunno exactly why.” Zayn replied. “His parents are back in his life and it’s been fucking him up a bit but, it seems deeper than just that though.”

“Wait, what do you mean?” Louis asked glancing at him. “Do you think he’s cheating or something?”

“No-“ Zayn thought about it. “No.” He said more confident in himself. “Liam loves me, I know he does. I just think he’s hiding something, like, not something important but kind of important. I don’t know.”

“Well, when you do find out let me know. But don’t think about it too much, y’know? He loves you. Like, you guys are getting married! Isn’t that crazy?” He said lightening up the mood.

Zayn smiled, looking down at his ring while studying it. “Yeah, it’s unbelievable.”

-

Liam hummed along to a song while chopping up some vegetables, trying to focus on what he was doing. It’s not that he was doing something bad, no, that wasn’t the case. Just a small tiny secret.

“Liam.” Harry pestered while watching Liam chop up the vegetables. “Liam.” He said a littler firmer than before, clearly trying to get his attention.

“Liam!” Niall said louder, getting his attention, finally.

Liam stopped, realizing how fast he was cutting the vegetables and blinked slowly bringing himself back to reality. “You okay?” Harry asked, concerned.

“Yeah- I’m fine, just, yeah.” He said slowly, setting down the knife.

“Jesus, I thought you were gonna chop a finger off!” Niall said before eating a chip heavily dipped in guacamole. “I-“ He was about to say until he focused his attention on an open envelope that was laying on the table, as he was about to reach for it Liam grabbed it. “The fuck?” He asked.

“Don’t-“ Liam was about to say.

“What’s in the envelope?” Harry asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

Liam laughed nervously, he was never able to hold in secrets properly- or lie for that matter. “Nothing.” He lied. “Just- an old love letter, I didn’t wanna share it.”

“Oh, is that so?” Niall asked standing up. “Then why does it say UFC on it?” He asked grabbing it as soon as Liam gave up from trying to hide it. He inspected it slowly, reading the letter. “Holy fucking shit! Liam! What the fuck?” He practically screamed.

“What? What is it?” Harry panicked rushing over, looking over Niall’s shoulder at the letter. “Oh my god, Liam! UFC?!”

“Ugh- I didn’t wanna tell anyone. I applied but, I’d have to solely focus on UFC and like- I feel like I can’t.” Liam sighed disappointed in himself. “I can’t do it, I didn’t think it through.”

“Liam, pull yourself together. Hell, this was your dream when you were little! What’s stopping you from that?” Niall asked, sad that Liam wouldn’t go through with this. He knew Liam was hard on himself but nothing like this.

Liam groaned. “I don’t know, okay? Fuck, I’d have to do so much more training and equipment would be expensive and constantly traveling- without Zayn? That’s hell.”

“You know he’d support you in anything you do, right?” Harry said. “He loves you, besides I’m sure it’d be an awesome experience.” He smiled before going back to cooking. “Just do it!” He shouted from the kitchen.

Liam flopped onto the couch, Niall sitting next to him. “Listen,” Niall said. “UFC is like- the highest shit. You’d be a fool not to take it, who cares what people think? We support you and I’m sure as hell Zayn would. And like- I know your parents are so...”

“Ignorant.” Liam finished, rubbing his hands over his face.

Niall took a sip of his beer. “Yeah.” He said clearing his throat. “But they’ll get over it, I know it’s stressful but it’ll be okay. Besides, UFC?! C’mon man that’s fucking amazing, give yourself some credit!” He smiled patting Liam’s shoulder. “You gotta teach me some moves though.”

Liam smiled. “Yeah, of course.” He said genuinely perking up although thoughts were bouncing around in his head unsure of what he’d do.

“Oi! Oi!” Louis shouted walking into the house waving some beers, Zayn behind him holding grocery bags.

Liam rolled his eyes. “And here comes the loudness.”

“Aye! No arguing, the night has only started.” Harry said from the kitchen. “Louis get your petty ass over here and help- Zayn where’s the knives?!”

“Next to the coffee maker, you know this!” He replied setting the bags down on the small coffee table that was already holding some empty beer bottles already.

“Liam, I’m already gonna win this time don’t bother fighting.” Louis replied while walking to the kitchen.

Niall was about to say something until he saw a bag of chips peeking out from the grocery bag. “Thank god, Zayn. I’m starving.” He groaned looking through all the bags. “Damn- you came through with the junk food!”

Zayn laughed, sitting next to Liam, practically on his lap. “Well- Louis knows what everyone likes so he helped a shit to-“ He was about to finish until a faint knock was heard by Liam.

“I’ll get it baby,” Liam said standing up while they all talked. “Hel- Oh! Hey Perrie, what’s up?” He asked watching as she stirred a bowl of hair dye.

“Hi, Liam! I needed to ask Zayn a question but I guess I can also ask you- are you busy tomorrow?” She asked studying the bowl of hair dye carefully.

“Not really- just school. Why?” Liam asked, these type of questions were the usual coming from Perrie. She was their (very sweet) neighbor who went to a beauty school and needed some “guinea pigs” to test out on. So, Zayn always said yes because he didn’t mind and thought of it as art; Liam on the other hand, not so much.

“Oh, goodie! I wanted to practice some men hairstyles and you have the perfect length! I promise I won’t cut it like last time, so, what do you say?” She smiled brightly, batting her eyes, her thick false eyelashes framed her beautiful piercing blue eyes.

Liam sighed, “Sure, why not?” He smiled.

Zayn walked over to the door, smiling upon seeing Perrie. “Hey, bebz. What’s going on? Persuading Liam?” He chuckled.

“Nope, he already said yes. But- oh! That reminds me, how do you feel about blonde?” She asked with a small smile. “Because- if you’re up for it- I wanna test some new bleach I got.”

“Of course.” Zayn replied. “I’d tell you to come in but you seem a little busy.” He said looking at what she was mixing.

“Oh that’s okay I-“

“Hey Perrie!” Niall said happily. “It’s been a hot second since I’ve seen you.”

Perrie smiled. “Yes it has, now if you excuse me, I really gotta get going.” She gasped with realization. “Oh god the extensions are gonna bleach too light- I’ll see you guys later. Bye loves! See you tomorrow!” She said nearly dropping the bowl of dye while rushing to her apartment.

“Bye Perrie!” Zayn said closing the door, Liam chuckling.

“You know she’s not into you, right?” Liam said looking at Niall. “She probably just wants to dye your hair.”

“She’s so beautiful though.” Niall said taking a swig of his beer after plopping on the couch.

Zayn shook his head. “Don’t be a fuckboy, she’s a good person.” He said wandering to the kitchen.

“I know, I know!” Niall said. “I just haven’t been with a girl in forever!” He whined.

“No excuse!” Zayn retorted.

Liam laughed, sitting next to Niall. “You’ll find someone.” He reassured.

“Okay, okay, enough of this. Let’s just play FIFA before I throw a pity party.” Niall said grabbing the remote.

-

Later that night, as usual, Harry and Louis were asleep tangled with each other and Niall was passed out drunk next to them. Zayn was sleepily laying down on the couch lazily watching whatever was left on the tv and Liam was spooning him watching tv as well.

“Babe?” Liam whispered, running a hand along Zayn’s hip to see if he was awake. “You sleepy?”

Zayn blinked a few times. “Yeah, carry me.” He whined, giggling at the childish request. “Pretty please?”

Liam sighed, “Alright only because you asked nicely.” He said as Zayn sat up so Liam could get up to carry him. He picked him up as if it was nothing, which it was, because Zayn was so light.

Zayn leaned into Liam’s chest while he walked. “I love you.” He mumbled.

“I love you too my love.” He replied, smiling slightly. He laid Zayn down on the bed delicately. “Imma get ready for bed, okay?” He said pressing a kiss to Zayn’s cheek. Zayn hummed a small agreement and slowly got comfortable in bed.

When Liam came back into the bedroom, only wearing some pj pants, Zayn was leisurely scrolling on Instagram. “Thought you were sleepy?” Liam asked climbing into bed next to him.

“I was, but Instagram was calling me. And I wanted to cuddle. Plus I already was ready for bed so I had nothing to do.” He replied still scrolling. “Almost like, two thousand likes on our kissing picture. Isn’t that crazy?”

“No, with a face like yours, it’s expected. I’m surprised you haven’t taken one of those modeling jobs yet.” Liam said watching Zayn set his phone down on the night stand.

Zayn smiled. “Thanks, bebz. But I can’t do it- it’s not me. Well, not right now I guess.” He shrugged scooting closer to Liam. “Maybe, someday- I don’t know. What do you think?”

“I think you should but, don’t listen to me. Go with what you feel like doing, baby.” He said putting an arm around him, running a hand through his hair. “I got something to tell you though like, seriously. Like, I don’t know.”

“You’re making me nervous, Li.” Zayn said tensing up.

“I’m sorry- I just, okay. So, like, you know how I’ve been applying to UFC and I’ve been training since like, before we met?” Liam said taking a deep breath. “Okay, well, they sent back a letter and they accepted me.”

“What?!” Zayn loudly said sitting up. “Liam don’t fuck with me- seriously?! No way, oh my god!” He said smiling. “Oh my- baby that’s amazing! Wait, why are you upset about it?” He asked, his smile fading away.

“Because that means I have to be away from you a lot and I’ll have to solely focus on training and I mean yeah I’ll make a lot but- I don’t know. Like- fuck, I don’t know.” He said panicking a little, rubbing his hands over his eyes.

“Babe, calm down. Take a deep breath.” Zayn said, sitting on his lap. “Liam, look at me,”

“Zayn, I can’t leave you. It’d fucking suck to constantly say bye- I want you to go but you have a life, like, school, work, family, and friends. Yeah I’d love to do it but-“

“Liam.” Zayn said firmly, looking down at him. “I’m not gonna make you choose between me and your dream. I’ll be done with school before you know it and I’ll be right by your side. You’re gonna follow your dreams, we’ll work through it.”

Liam sighed in defeat with what Zayn said. “I’m just scared,” He admitted.

“Bebz, I get it. You got a lot going on but look at the reality of it, you’re gonna be making more money, you’ll be going to new places, and I know you’re gonna win those fights. Liam, you’ve been working for this all your life, and it makes me sad that you doubt yourself. You’re one of most the bravest person I know.” Zayn said, running his index finger on Liam’s abs mindlessly. “And I mean it.”

Liam stayed quiet for a moment. “Do you really think I stand a chance?” He asked out of pure curiosity. “Like, genuinely?”

Zayn smiled, looking at him, letting out a small laugh. “Hell yeah.” He replied, leaning down to kiss him. “Plus, I gotta admit, seeing you work out is definitely a bonus for me. I love when you get sweaty and you get this frustrated look- fuck it’s so hot.”

“Really?” Liam asked, placing his hands on Zayn’s hips.

Zayn, kissed along his jaw slowly. “Mhm.” He hummed then got off his waist. “Goodnight, darling.”

“Aw, that was rather mean.” Liam huffed facing him.

Zayn giggled. “Babe, our friends are literally in the room next door. Not right now.” He smiled, as Liam pulled him closer.

“Alright, alright. Goodnight my gorgeous.” He said, kissing Zayn’s forehead.

“Goodnight.” He replied, turning around so his back was towards Liam. He didn’t fall asleep right away though, he kept fidgeting with his engagement ring while thinking about the future. Eventually, though he relaxed into Liam’s warmth and fell asleep.

-

“Yeah- I don’t know, Lou. He’s acting much weirder, do you think he could be cheating on me?” Zayn asked, looking for Louis’ reaction on the phone. They were facetiming as usual but Zayn wasn’t as happy as he’d generally be. Things were falling apart (in his opinion) and he had no control over it.

Louis rolled his eyes. “I knew that fucker would do something stupid! He’s fucking stupid if he is-“

“That’s not what I asked.” Zayn said, chewing on his lip nervously. “Everything is the same but, it’s not.” He mumbled. “Louis, be serious, please.”

“Okay,” Louis sighed. “Confront him about it. It’s the only way you’ll clear your mind, and don’t give in to what he has to say like- excuses. Go through his phone or something. Zayn, babe, I seriously wouldn’t think he is. I know, I know, I hate him so I’m not gonna give you a biased opinion but he couldn’t do that.”

“I just-“ Zayn cleared his throat trying to hide the lump in the back of his throat. “It’s impossible to imagine it happening but, he’s been doing training so much I barely see him. I barely know him, it’s always, travel, sleep, and train. I get he can’t always give me attention but fuck, it sucks.” He said shaking his head.

“Aw, babe. Zayn please don’t cry- I’ll beat his ass if he fucks you over like that. Imma ask Harry if he knows anything or Niall. I’ll call you later, okay? Let me know how things go, I love you.” He said waiting for Zayn to respond.

“I love you too, thank you. Bye.” He said hanging up. He pressed the shuffle button on his Spotify playlist trying to clear his mind. He couldn’t think straight while listening to music, it felt like he was trapped and he couldn’t escape his own mind. As much as he’d like to relax and enjoy a day with Liam, he couldn’t.

Liam had been busy and Zayn understood that, their schedules were both hectic. Whenever Liam was free, Zayn was busy and vice versa. Even when Zayn was with Liam, he’d be in a different mindset, often daydreaming or too sleepy to maintain a stable conversation. It’d been like this for three weeks, the first week Zayn brushed it off as Liam overworking himself but the third week it bothered Zayn.

Zayn stared at the ceiling, thinking of the possibilities. It was late at night and Liam would usually be home by now but the apartment was lifeless and quiet. After a couple of quiet moments, the door knob turned and a familiar sound of keys echoed down the hallway.

“Babe,” Liam half shouted walking into the bedroom, almost tripping. “There’s my beautiful little fiancé!” He smiled going over to kiss Zayn until Zayn pushed him away.

“Liam,” He said now sitting up, wanting to scream. “Are you- you’ve been drinking haven’t you?” He asked, smelling the alcohol on Liam’s breath.

Liam shook his head. “No- just a few shots.” He said merely tipsy. “I was- I was with some friends and we went to drink.” He shrugged slurring his words a little acting more strange.

“Liam, you- I gotta go.” Zayn said getting up, looking for a sweatshirt. “I can’t be here.” He mumbled while tearing up. Liam had been a recovering cocaine addict and had been a year and a half clean and all of that changed.

“Woah- woah!” Liam said trying to process what Zayn was doing. “Where are you going and why?” He said trying to sober up as fast as possible. “I know I like, haven’t been the best person but-“

“Liam, I don’t know you. You’re never home and all we seem to do is argue. Are you done with me now?” He asked tugging on a pair of his Dr.Martens.

“What? Baby you’re trippin’ I love you. I just have a lot going on and-“

“Are you cheating on me?” Zayn asked after getting dressed.

“What? No.” Liam asked looking confused.

“Let me look at your phone.” Zayn said holding his hand out and looking Liam in the eyes.

Liam hesitated. “Babe don’t you trust me? I would never.”

Tears rolled down Zayn’s cheeks while shaking his head. “Liam, please. Don’t lie to me.” He said pushing Liam away when he tried to touch him. “Please.” He begged.

“Listen, okay, I can explain-“ Liam started slowly.

Zayn shook his head, fully crying and clenching his fists. “I don’t want to be with you right now, please, just leave.”

“Whatever you want.” Liam complied before leaving, looking unaffected by what Zayn said. Of course his sober thoughts knew better than to try and figure Zayn out.

Zayn was a complete mess though, he stood there in the room, crying while trying to figure things out. It was true, Liam was cheating on Zayn.

-

Zayn had stayed up all morning, right now it was seven in the morning and all the feelings he had last night were still the same. He was in bed in his pjs listening to music as if it would help (it only helped for a few moments) but everything felt terrible.

He had already called in sick for work and listened to every ring when Liam would try and call or text him. There was a lingering pain in his stomach that wouldn’t leave him, maybe it was his heart showing him a physical sign, or maybe he genuinely felt sick to his stomach (he went with the first option); whatever it was it made him want to cry more. The pain was indescribable, it was like butterflies but the opposite. It was that rush of going down a roller coaster but somehow deader.

Eventually he forced himself to call Louis, as annoying as he was at times, he needed _someone_ to escape sadness. On the third ring is when he answered with a groggy “Hello?” after some rummaging sounds. Zayn had completely forgotten how late it was, or, rather early.

“Hey, um,” Zayn said clearing his throat. “Could you come over, later?” He said biting his lip to stop tears.

“Uh- after work. Oh! Wait today’s Sunday- okay yeah. Is everything okay, you sound…sad?” Louis replied slowly sounding more awake with each word.

“I got a story to tell you, just please, come by when you can.” He said, his voice cracking at the end. “I gotta go.” He finished, pressing on the end call button ignoring Louis’ concerned voice.

Zayn felt pathetic, like everything before last night was a complete lie and somehow it was all his fault. Everything was.

-

Zayn woke up to a small shake to his shoulder from where he lay on his side. He bat his eyes open slowly, hoping it was Liam and hoping it wasn’t. As he blinked his vision clear, a concerned Louis was looking at him with a sympathetic smile. “Hey babe.”

“Hi.” He mumbled sitting up on the bed. “What time is it?” He asked searching for his phone.

“It’s two in the afternoon, I came here earlier but let you sleep. Lord knows you need it. Harry went to talk with Liam but hasn’t come back.” He said with a small shrug. “C’mere”

Zayn cuddled into Louis’ open arms as tears rolled down Zayn’s cheeks, it seemed to never stop. “It hurts, Louis.” He mumbled, constantly thinking of past memories shared with Liam. “Why would he do this to me? I love him, Louis. I fucking love him with all my heart- why?”

“I don’t know, babe.” Louis frowned looking down at Zayn, he was often quiet with problems like this. So to see him in this state was painful to see and Louis couldn’t really do anything to fix things.

Zayn hugged Louis tightly. “Am I- am I not good enough?! What did I do wrong?” He practically screamed. “Why does everything turn to shit? I love him Louis, I really do. We were supposed to get married- have kids, live the good life.” He said sobbing, tugging at himself as if he could just run away from his own thoughts and himself in general.

“Zayn, look, _nothing_ is your fault. I know right now everything seems like it is but, it’s truly not. You’re one of the best person I know, don’t you dare say that you’re not good enough, he doesn’t deserve you. Everything hurts right now but everything will get better.” Louis said trying to cheer him up as best he could (he was better when he didn’t try).

Zayn sniffled, “I love him, Louis. He’s the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to me. I keep hoping that all of this is some twisted nightmare but every time I think about it- it gets more real.” He said curling up into himself as if he could just disappear. “I want him back.” He mumbled before crying again.

-

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Harry yelled angrily. “Zayn is practically- I don’t even know- and Louis is pissed at _me_ because I’m like your brother and somehow I have to fix this. Liam, what do you have to say?!” He yelled pacing back and forth.

Liam stared at the floor from where he sat on the concrete curb by the steps of the train. He hadn’t answered Harry’s calls or texts until Harry sent a long message about how he’s family, that’s when he admitted he was leaving to Wolver Hampton soon. Within minutes Harry was speeding to catch Liam before he left (for God knows how long).

He tapped the cigarette held in between his fingers. “As far as Zayn knows I’m cheating on him. He can’t know I still deal, this could fuck everything up.” He mumbled. “I have enough going on.”

“Liam, I can’t believe you. You lied to Zayn to cover up another lie. And for what? For money?” Harry argued, shaking his head.

“Harry I needed the money. I have two jobs and I’m saving money, that’s what matters. I’m gonna sell then tell David I don’t wanna work for him anymore. I’ll be back soon because I have a fight, alright?” He said standing up to put out his cigarette. “Just don’t tell Zayn.”

Harry left without another word. There was nothing he wanted to say to Liam after that, everyone thought his drug dealing days were over as they were dangerous, but they had continued to go on.

Liam sighed to himself, he couldn’t change anything now as he left.

-

Liam sighed. “Look,” he said placing a bag of coke on the table that separated him and David. David was the provider, he had created this business and was genuinely good friends with Liam. “I can’t sell anymore, it’s getting to be too much man.”

“I knew you’d want to quit sooner or later.” He said standing up. “It’s a tough world out there Liam, and I wish you nothing but the best, truly.” He said giving him a hug. “And when you’re famous don’t forget us okay?” He chuckled.

They continued with their conversation until they heard two loud gun shots as they echoed in the warehouse. Immediately, everyone in the room was panicked, holding their guns up trying to find the person who attacked.

Liam though, was on the floor in agonizing pain. He was screaming as he held tightly onto his calf not even saying a word. Blood had oozed out and he was trying to stop it as David yelled for their doctor.

“Liam, hang on, okay? You’re gonna be okay.” David reassured, kneeling down next to him to examine the wound. “Hurry the fuck up!” he snapped, turning around as more guns went off and people ran to Liam.

After Liam was carried into the operating room in the building (which they had for emergencies like this), he had passed out from the excessive amount of blood loss and pain.

-

It had been two weeks since Zayn found out about what Liam was actually doing. He had told himself that Liam wasn’t good for him but each time he thought about what they had, Zayn loved him more and more. He couldn’t understand why Liam left, he would never understand why Liam did things the way he did and yet he couldn’t help but somehow blame himself.

Throughout the weeks, Zayn often found himself moping around the house, looking at their things scattered in the house. Liam hadn’t answered Zayn at all, the messages had stopped being read a couple days back and it made Zayn worry. Harry had told him Liam was being stupid and that he’d come back but of course Zayn had his doubts.

At the moment, Zayn was home with Louis, doodling as he usually did when he was bored. Naturally Zayn would take up more hours at work so he had something to distract himself but at work he found himself more distracted. He felt lost and confused, like everything he once had was completely gone. And that’s because it was.

“So, how are things?” Louis asked before taking a sip of his tea. He knew Zayn was upset but he didn’t know how to properly cheer him up so this is what their Fridays consisted of.

Zayn looked at his hot cup of tea, trying to draw the steam that left the mug. “Yeah,” He simply replied not thinking twice about his response until he realized what Louis had asked. “Oh-“ He said shaking his head, focusing. “M’fine, just- yeah.”

“How about we go out, yeah? Let’s get some drinks and have fun.” He said setting his tea down. “C’mon- let’s get ready, I’ll invite Niall and tell Harry to meet up with us and let’s invite Perrie! We can’t be in here forever.” He said trying to persuade Zayn.

Zayn shrugged. “I don’t know man, like, I have homework and I have to clean an-“

“Excuses! It’s just one night, c’mon.” Louis whined standing up in front of Zayn, holding his hand out as an offering.

Zayn sighed loudly, “Fine. Just a few drinks.”

-

When they walked into the club, Zayn seemed mesmerized by the lights and music. Usually in these types of settings, he was with Liam and he knew everyone. It had never dawned on him to ask any club owners if they had seen Liam.

“Let’s get some drinks,” Zayn suggested to Perrie, Louis, and Niall as they wandered over to the bar. While walking there though, Zayn kept an eye out in hopes he’d see Liam.

As they crowded around the bar, Louis, Zayn, and Niall had been tossing back shots as if it was water. Luckily for them, Perrie had decided to stay sober (or at least until Harry showed up) just in case anything happened. Naturally Zayn could keep drinking as well as Niall but after the eighth shot he couldn’t do it anymore. Although someone kept buying rounds for them he knew he had to stop.

Zayn stumbled away from the bar, taking in his surroundings. “Who keeps buying us drinks?” He half shouted looking around until he made eye contact with a taller, buff man.

“Oh, he’s hot.” Perrie commented nudging Zayn’s side teasingly. “You gonna go for it?” She giggled.

Zayn shook his head. “No- no, I can’t.” He laughed, taking a step back until his back hit someone’s chest. He turned around about to apologize until he was met with a smirk. “So, are you the one buying the drinks?” He chuckled.

“Yeah,” The tall man admitted. “A pretty boy like you deserves the best in life.” He complimented. “My name is, Brandon. And yours is?”

“My name is Zayn- and,” He was about to introduce Perrie until he realized she had disappeared. “And my friends left.” He joked, chuckling softly.

“Well,” Brandon said looking around. “Would you like to come upstairs with me? You can invite your friends if you’d like.” He suggested putting a hand on Zayn’s waist.

“Yeah, I’ll meet you up there, just give me a second to tell them.” Zayn said, getting a smile in return and a kiss on the cheek.

Zayn disregarded the kiss on the cheek, walking to find everyone. When he found them and told them, they were at first shocked that Zayn would take up the offer but eventually got over it upon going upstairs to the club.

The upstairs part of the club was generally reserved for parties (or those who could afford to reserve it) and from the looks of it the man seemed rather wealthy and quite the socialite.

“Let them in, they’re with me.” Brandon said to the security guard while walking over to Zayn. “Well, well, well, you came back.” He chuckled, putting his hand back on Zayn’s waist like before.

“I was intrigued.” Zayn said as Brandon lead them to an empty private booth. It wasn’t too far from everybody but, it did have a sort of curtain to stay hidden from everyone. There was expensive bubbly champagne in crystal clear glasses that sat perfectly on the table under the dimmed lights. “Expensive taste.” Zayn commented, sitting down.

“I like my things…nice.” Brandon smirked, sitting down next to him. “I’ve never been to this club.” He said before taking a sip of his champagne. “Also, if you’re not into champagne let me know, get whatever you like.”

“Okay,” Zayn said nervously as Brandon scooted closer. “Thank you.”

“You’re so beautiful.” Brandon mumbled before kissing Zayn. Zayn was hesitant at first then decided to kiss back after all, he had nothing to lose.

-

“How you feeling, Li?” David asked while sitting next to Liam on the black leather couch of his home. Liam had been staying at David’s through his recovery, too afraid of getting killed. It had been two weeks since he was shot and although he didn’t get hit in any major arteries, it still hurt like a bitch.

Liam sighed. “Like I’ve been shot in the leg,” He chuckled light heartedly. “But at least I’m alive. I miss Zayn though.” He admitted, a small frown on his lips.

“Listen, I’m gonna make everything better. I know Jason is at fault but I don’t know what Brandon is plotting, he could kill someone for all we know. So, all we could do is wait.” David said. Brandon was David’s rival in terms of- selling, and of course everything in between business wise. Generally, selling (drugs) on someone else’s territory is the worst thing (even death could be seen as penalty) but Brandon was unpredictable, he messed with people in various ways.

“I’m sorry for getting you in this mess, all you wanted to do was leave and now- well, you’re stuck.” David said lighting up a cigarette. “I-“

“Hey!” Someone (one of David’s many security) said walking into the room. “We have a lead on Brandon’s plan.”

“Finally,” David said standing up. “What is it?”

-

“So,” Perrie dragged on, rinsing Zayn’s hair of the bleach that was in it. “Do you like him?” She asked happily, barely focusing on what she was doing.

Zayn chuckled. “To be honest, I don’t know. I mean I thought he’d be a rebound guy but, he’s nice, hot, wealthy and a good person. Like, I dunno if I see a future with him but maybe? I don’t know.”

“Aw babe- you’ll find out when the timing is right. And besides who knows if Liam will come back or not? Like, what would you do if he came back right now?” Perrie asked while shampooing his hair.

“I don’t know. He means so much to me I don’t think I could ever just like- kick him out of my life completely. Y’know?” He paused. “I loved him. And I still love him.”

-

Liam sat in silence. He wasn’t sure what to think after hearing the news, two days had gone by since then and every time it felt new. If he made an effort to hurt Brandon he knew he’d be killed but if he did kill him David could take over his company and life could go back to normal (as normal as it could be). He looked down at his leg, acknowledging the pain he went through and wondering if putting his life on the line would be worth it.

Liam looked through his phone, scrolling through his camera roll until he stopped on a picture of Zayn and himself. It was an old selfie, when they were drunk and Zayn was giggly and it was the day before Liam proposed.

~

_January 19 th, 2016_

Zayn took a swig from the wine bottle he shared with Liam. “When I first met you, I knew everything had finally fit into place. Like all those long nights of feeling lonely- was just me waiting.” He giggled trailing a hand along Liam’s chest while sitting in his lap.

Liam smiled, blowing out smoke from his slightly parted lips. “You’ve always been an impatient person. But I love that about you- it’s one of your many beautiful qualities.”

Zayn took the blunt from Liam as his eyes drooped, getting sleepy. “Tell me some, I don’t think I have any.” He admitted.

“Well, for starters- you don’t judge people. You _never_ once judged me that’s for sure, you listened to what I had to say. I had nothing when we first met and yet you still saw the beauty in me, and I thought it was because you saw the beauty in strangers. And although that’s true- you did see me for what I am. I’m fucking crazy but you understood me. For me you had patience- in the sense that you’d always be there to help and I love you, for everything that you are.” He said looking up at Zayn who was blissfully smiling. “You have a beautiful mindset and soul.”

Zayn blushed shaking his head. “You always have a way of making me sound like some magnificent person, Liam James Payne. You make me so happy.” He said before kissing him. He pulled away slowly, giggling. “You taste like this bottle.”

Liam laughed taking a swig of it. “Is it at least good?”

“No! You’re a better kisser.” He laughed, laying his head in the crook of Liam’s neck, lazily kissing his neck. “I love every single fucking thing about you.” Zayn mumbled.

“You’re adorable.”

“You’re sexy.” Zayn said almost cutting him off.

“Okay c’mon love, we should go to bed it’s almost five.” Liam said finishing off the bottle of wine. “You’re wasted and you finished the blunt.”

“Drunk in love,” Zayn tried singing. “Wait I wanna take a selfie I barely have any of you shirtless.” He said grabbing for Liam’s phone.

“That’s a lie.” Liam chuckled as Zayn took a selfie and then set his phone down. “Your phone background is literally of me shirtless.”

“You’re a beautiful person.” Zayn giggled cuddling on Liam’s chest before passing out.

~

Liam set his phone down, standing up carefully. He walked to David’s room quietly, knocking on the door.

David answered, looking clearly stressed. “Yes?” He asked.

“I can’t live like this anymore. If something doesn’t happen I’ll kill Brandon myself.” Liam said. “We’ve gotta do something.”

-

Another week had gone by. Nothing had happened at all in Zayn’s life- no excitement, no change, no Liam. It was all the same and tonight Zayn was going on another date with Brandon. The two had barely started dating and Zayn had decided it was the best choice to try and move forward from Liam.

Zayn sighed sitting next to Brandon at the private booth at another luxurious club. It felt like all he was doing nowadays was getting drunk and accompanying Brandon only to be seen as “arm candy”- nothing more. Sure, Brandon showered Zayn in presents and money but the connection wasn’t there. His heart missed the warmth and love that Liam gave.

He raised another shot of vodka to his lips, wishing it was a gun. He tossed it back to his throat, letting the harshness of reality and the flavor, settle into his skin.

“What’s wrong baby?” Brandon asked snapping him out of his daze, resting his hand on Zayn’s inner thigh. “You seem- upset.” He said pressing a kiss to Zayn’s temple.

“Just tired,” He reassured. “I’m gonna use the bathroom. I’ll be back.” He smiled getting a small kiss in response before leaving. Brandon was just a body to Zayn, a piece of meat that could never replace Liam.

Zayn stepped into the bathroom, looking at his reflection not used to seeing this man who looked back at him. He was skinnier, messier, and living in a state of a hangover to escape the truth. He was unrecognizable.

There was no one else in the bathroom and Zayn truly felt like sleeping in the stall, he’d been so stressed and lonely that at this point it didn’t matter. Although everyone constantly asked if he was okay he’d only push them away, too irritated to even make an effort to explain what was wrong.

“Excuse me,” A man said to Zayn while walking into a stall. Zayn froze, recognizing the familiar voice. He wanted to scream at the possibility of it being Liam, he had the same firmness and gentleness like him. Maybe it was the alcohol finally kicking in his blood, making him hear what he wanted to and not what he actually heard but Zayn’s thoughts stopped. Everything in his body seemed to slow down.

“Li-Liam?” He asked shakily before the man closed the stall door. The man stopped, and looked at Zayn. Sure enough it was Liam, he had a busted lip and his eyes were red rimmed but he still looked beautiful.

“Zayn what the fuck are you doing here?” Liam snapped, looking around rapidly. “In the club I mean.”

“I’m- with a friend but that doesn’t matter. I missed you I-“

“You shouldn’t be talking to me right now. Fuck, you shouldn’t even be here.” He said stepping closer to look at Zayn. “I can’t explain everything right now but you have to listen, I know you’re with Brandon but stay away from him. I want you out of this.”

“What? How did you know that?” Zayn asked confused, stumbling as he tried to touch Liam. “Why haven’t you been answering me? What the fuck is going on?” He slurred, tears meeting at the corner of his eyes.

Liam sighed. “Baby I can’t tell you- just promise me you’ll go home, yeah?”

Zayn shook his head, frustrated with him. “Don’t call me baby if you can’t fucking respond to my messages, I’ve been killing myself because of the unknown. Liam I-“

Liam didn’t waste any time in trying to argue with Zayn. He stepped closer, holding Zayn’s hips, pressing a kiss against Zayn’s lips. He savored every second of it while Zayn kissed back slowly. Eventually, Liam pulled away, looking at Zayn lovingly. “I love you and I want you safe. I’ll always love you.” He mumbled the last part.

Zayn wanted to cry, he missed Liam’s touch so much he couldn’t even hold back and stay mad. He felt weak and broken all over again. “No, I know you’re gonna cause trouble Liam. I can’t leave knowing you’re gonna get hurt.” He said tugging on Liam’s sleeve bringing him closer, as if that would help. “Don’t be stupid.” He begged kissing him again. “Say you love me.”

“I love you.” Liam said after pulling away from the kiss. “I got this, alright? I just gotta take care of business and I’ll come back home and explain everything.” He smiled, pressing a kiss against Zayn’s lips.

“I love you too.” Zayn replied, walking out of the bathroom. And upon Liam’s suggestion of leaving, he did (of course after telling Brandon some lame excuse).

-

It had been exactly an hour of waiting at home anxiously staring at his phone that sat on the coffee table while a rerun of Friends played. Zayn hadn’t even bothered to change out of his clothes when he got home, thinking of “what if” scenarios.

Once his phone finally did ring after another twenty minutes, he took a deep breath and answered. “Hello?” He asked as calm as possible, upon seeing the unknown number on the caller ID.

“Is this Zayn?” A scratchy but familiar voice answered.

Zayn cleared his throat. “Who wants to know?”

“It’s me, Dylan.” He reassured. Dylan was the head doctor who maintained any wounds that needed medical attention in Liam’s “gang” (Zayn hated that word). Zayn had only met him once and that’s because Liam was shot at before and got a minor gash that needed stitching. “Listen, okay, so Liam got a bullet in his hip and needed surgery. Other than some other cuts and bruises he’s alright, but he kept slurring to me about how much he needs you. I would’ve called from his phone but it’s completely shattered.”

“Oh god- okay. Are you guys in the same place or? I need to see him.” Zayn said looking for his keys nervously.

“Yeah, I’ll email you the address and directions just in case. I’ll let the others know you’re coming. See you soon, bye.” He said hanging up.

Zayn didn’t even take a second to think clearly, he just shoved his phone in his pants pocket and ran out the front door.

-

Once there and lead to where Liam was, he looked at him angrily from where Liam lay propped up on some pillows. “I can’t believe you!” He said wanting to reach out and slap him and kiss him at the same time. “Liam you’re an asshole and- and, I just can’t believe you for lying to me and leaving me! I was so worried for so long just to know you’re completely fine and everything is okay in your world! Our relationship is me and you, not just me who’s hopelessly in love with you!”

“I was shot in the leg when I left- Brandon wanted to hurt you. I couldn’t have contact with you because I wanted you to be safe. And tonight I got shot in the side after I shot Brandon.” Liam calmly recalled before making eye contact with him. “I love you, Zayn.”

“Well,” Zayn said stuttering looking down at Liam’s injuries then back at him, still trying to stay mad. “that’s your own fault. It was a stupid choice.” He said, tears rolling down his cheeks uncontrollably. “You’re so fucking stupid.” He mumbled before sitting down on the empty space next to Liam. “Look at where our fucking lives have gone.” He said running his hands through his hair.

Liam chuckled light heartedly. “Could be worse.” He said rubbing holding Zayn’s hand.

“You always say that don’t jinx it,” Zayn said holding onto Liam’s hand tightly. “You could’ve died.” He whispered looking down at him, shaking his head. “You’ve been shot-“ He said in realization. “don’t suppose you’re gonna be a rapper now?” He laughed, sniffling.

“I meant it when I said I’d take a bullet for you.” Liam smirked, scooting over while Zayn laid down next to him. “What do I get in return?” He teased, snuggling against Zayn.

“Well, when you’re all healed. A lot.” Zayn laughed. “But for real, let’s see.” He said digging in his own pocket. “ ’ve got a fat amount weed, five hundred bucks,” he said listing the items while placing them on Liam’s chest. “and a pack of cigarettes. Oh and a lighter.”

“You fucking stole from him didn’t you?” Liam laughed looking at the mess on his chest. “Proper gangster now?” He asked while pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“Well, probably not as much as you- which, by the way can I see your gunshot?” He asked glancing down at Liam’s hip.

“Sure,” Liam said peeling off one side of the tape and gauze revealing a bloody gash. “Pretty cool, huh?” He laughed.

“Pretty cool.” Zayn repeated after looking at it closely, then back at him. “Don’t think I’ve let you off the hook though, ‘m still mad at you.” He said scrunching up his nose.

“I know, I know.” Liam said opening up the pack of cigarettes and lighting one. “I’ll make it up to you soon.” He said before taking a drag.

“What about UFC? After all this, are you gonna do it?” Zayn asked cuddling against Liam, his head on Liam’s heart. “It’s your dream.”

“It’s only a short term career,” Liam sighed. “and besides it’s not a real dream if you’re not in it, I’d have to put so much effort into it- I couldn’t do it.” He said blowing smoke into the air. “After this mess, Lord only knows what the future holds.”

Zayn sighed, watching as the smoke disappeared into the air. “I hope the future consists of these wild ass adventures with you.” He said looking up at Liam, pausing for a brief second. “As mad as I am with you, I can’t help but think about how beautiful you are right now. I missed you so much, Li. Please don’t ever do that to me again. I’m a fucking wreck.” He mumbled, cuddling against him, dozing off.

“I promise.” Liam said playing with Zayn’s hair. “I love the blonde streak by the way, Perrie did it?” He asked getting a small hum in agreement. “I’m glad everyone was there to pick you up.” He looked down at Zayn now realizing that he had blissfully fallen asleep. He had looked skinnier since the last time he’d seen him and Liam knew why.

Typically, Zayn hated cooking but since Liam wasn’t the best at it he usually did it. With no one to remind or pester Zayn to eat all the time, he didn’t.

~

November 17th, 2015

“Babe,” Liam said in almost a whisper, stepping into the bedroom slowly. “You gotta eat dinner. The foods on the table.” He said sitting next to Zayn on the bed, back turned away from Liam while facing the window.

“I’m not hungry.” Zayn mumbled. “I ate lunch with Louis and I had breakfast with you. I’m full.” He said pulling the blanket up higher.

“I know you’re upset my love, take all the time you need to mourn. But you have to take care of yourself, you’ve been like this for two weeks.” Liam said, rubbing Zayn’s back. “I know you need space but, now I’m gonna be involved.” He said as Zayn turned around. His eyes were red from crying and a mixture of smoking weed on a daily.

“It’s just hard to believe that she’s gone. Like, death is scary Liam. I know everyone’s time will come but- when? Everything seems to end and that terrifies me.” He said hugging Liam’s torso.

“Babe someday death will come and we’ll just have to accept it, I mean yeah it can happen whenever but isn’t that just more of a reason to accept life for what it is? Life is a beautiful thing- its art. But in order to keep living you have to eat. Your body needs it.” Liam said while playing with Zayn’s hair.

Zayn wiped his tears away with the back of his sleeve. “Thank you, Li. I love you so fucking much.” He said scooting up to give him a kiss.

Liam pulled back slowly, looking at his bright eyes. “I love you too and I care about you- so please don’t just hide away from me. I’m always gonna listen to what you have to say my love, don’t shy away. I’m always here.” He smiled.

~

Looking back at it now, Liam wishes he could take back everything but he knows it all happened for a reason. He knows that the reason he’s laying with bandages all over his body is because of his own actions, he knows what he did but there’s no rewind button. All he could do now is patch things up.

As giggly as Zayn seemed, Liam knows the bags under his eyes are from restless nights, crying sessions, and from nights he doesn’t fully remember because the drugs took care of the memories he didn’t want to recollect. Zayn looks so fragile Liam is scared to even properly cuddle him, eventually he gives in because Zayn scoots closer and Liam can’t deny him a proper snuggle.

After minutes of Liam fonding over a sleeping Zayn, David quietly steps into the room. “Hey, how you feeling?” He whispers for Zayn’s sake.

“A little sore, nothing I can’t handle though, Zayn’s by my side and that’s all that matters really.” Liam smiled. “What’s up?”

“Dylan said you can leave in the morning, he’s got some pain medicine for you after you leave. But um, I wanted to formerly apologize for everything. I caused you so many problems and I will repay for the- emotional damage I caused.” He chuckled. “We’ll miss you here but I just wish you and Zayn the best.”

“Thank you for everything, David.” Liam smiled. “We’ll be in touch, alright? You’ve gotta come to the wedding, dunno when it is but you’re coming, okay?”

“Sounds like a plan.” David smiled. “I’ll see you around.” He said walking out of the room, closing the door. Liam sighed looking down at Zayn before closing his eyes and falling asleep.

-

“Liam!” Zayn whined while laughing. “Can I see now? I need to know where I’m going!” He said putting his arms out in front of him to feel his way around.

“Hold on! Just a few more steps- actually, a lot more.” Liam laughed while trying to guide Zayn. “This’ll take ages.” He said before picking Zayn up carrying him. “I didn’t want you to trip.”

It had been almost two months since everything had happened and their relationship had mostly gone back to normal. If anything, their love grew stronger from it and they spent all their time with each other. Liam had given up on UFC and pursued a career towards being a singer. It wasn’t too hard to gain attention due to the fact that they already had high social media followings. Everyone loved them.

“Baby!” Zayn whined yet again. “Can I-“

“Yes!” Liam said setting him down gently. Zayn took off the bandana that covered his eyes, looking at an empty room with a king sized bed full of American and UK money. And above all of the bills, sat a tray of two crystal glasses full of pink champagne.

Zayn chuckled lightly, “Liam what’s all this?” He asked looking up at him confused.

“Well, David gave us some money for all of our “troubles” and since my single was doing well I thought- why not splurge a little? I mean, after all we both deserve it. This is only about a third of what he gave us.” He said with a small smile. “And I know you like painting so..” Liam said holding Zayn’s hand guiding him to a spare room, full of various types of paints. “What do you think?”

Zayn’s jaw dropped upon seeing all the paint and blank walls. “Liam, this...this is a house.” He stated, after admiring everything and looking at Liam. “A house? Us?” Zayn asked, shaking his head in disbelief while a smile curved onto his lips. “I can’t fucking believe you.” He light heartedly laughed, looking around the room still in shock.

“There’s four bedrooms, three bathrooms, a laundry room, an enormous kitchen, a backyard, and everything else that you want. Do you like it? I need your honest opinion my love.” Liam said putting his hands on Zayn’s waist as Zayn wrapped his arms around Liam’s neck.

Zayn scrunched his nose up shaking his head. “I don’t like it.” He paused, giggling after Liam’s smile dropped. “I love it.” He clarified. “You’re fucking ridiculous.” He laughed before kissing Liam softly. “It’s quite big though.”

“Well, a room for us of course, a small studio for me, a sort of hangout room for you, and well- a guest bedroom or something.” Liam said with a shrug.

“Or something.” Zayn repeated. “Hmm like a sex room?” He laughed receiving a small pinch on his ass in response. “Think we’ve got enough toys to fulfill a room.” He commented, walking to the bedroom, Liam following.

“Not exactly what I was thinking but- sounds interesting.” Liam replied, lifting the glass of champagne to his lips. “It’s been a while since we’ve played around like that my love.” He said taking a sip.

“It’s so unfortunate how busy you’ve been,” Zayn pouted setting down the glass. “I miss getting fucked for hours, aching all over afterwards, being so tired and sore.” He said pausing. “Doing it everywhere and whenever.”

“Tell me what you want darling,” Liam said stepping closer to Zayn, a hand trailing on his cheek then to his jaw after he set down his glass of champagne. “Show me your neck beautiful.” He requested.

Zayn tilted his head as Liam’s plush lips latched onto his neck. “I want to suck you off until you cum.” He said holding back a moan. “And- and then I want you to finger me nice and slow.” He closed his eyes while Liam’s hands roamed Zayn’s body.

“That’s all baby?” Liam smirked, sucking a hickey onto his neck. “But I’ve got so many nice toys for you.” He hummed.

Zayn bit his lip before talking. “N-no, I want you to fuck me nice and hard. Fuck, I miss that, I want it rough.” He begged trying to grind against Liam for friction.

“Ah, ah, ah. Patience, my little one.” Liam said pulling away. “Tell you what, get undressed for me, leave your underwear on and I’ll be back, understand?”

“But- I need you right now.” Zayn whined.

“What was that?” Liam asked firmly. “What’s your color?”

“Green.” Zayn stated, licking his lips.

“Get on your knees.” Liam demanded, unbuttoning his pants and pulling down his boxers just enough to pull out his already hard cock. “Open your pretty mouth and don’t you dare say anything.”

Zayn parted his lips, looking up at Liam. Almost instantly, Liam shoved his cock into Zayn’s mouth. He began by slowly rocking his hips into Zayn’s mouth, letting Zayn adjust a little before going completely rough. Once, Zayn began sucking properly Liam knew he his “punishment” was far more enjoyable than intended.

Liam grabbed a fist full of Zayn’s hair and began thrusting his hips into Zayn’s mouth. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful.” He moaned out while Zayn tried his best to take it. “So fucking good.”

Zayn whined a bit around Liam’s thick cock, his jaw was aching and his cock was in need of some type of relief. Slowly, he began rubbing himself against his palm moaning helplessly.

Liam of course noticed this and pulled his cock out, pulling his pants up. “Stand up right now.” He ordered firmly. “Bend over the bed, hands behind your back.” Zayn did as told and waited.

“I’m sorry, sir. I just need you so badly an-“

“Shut up.” Liam said reaching under the bed, pulling out a black box and moving the tray of champagne glasses. “You know the rules.” He said while tying up Zayn’s wrists with a red satin rope he got from the black box. He pulled down Zayn’s pants and underwear leaving him exposed like that for a brief second before placing a cock ring on him. “What’s your color?”

Zayn cleared his scratchy throat. “Green.” He stated, trying to see what Liam was doing.

“The only noise you’ll make is when you count how many spanks you receive, is that clear?” He asked.

“Yes, sir.” Zayn said.

Liam undid his belt and watched as Zayn anticipated the spank while Liam folded the leather belt in half into a loop. A loud smack echoed in the room as Zayn jerked forward a bit from the impact. “One.” Zayn whined.

After nineteen more hits, Zayn’s ass and upper thighs were a bright red and his eyes were watery. His cock matched the same color of his ass, scarlet red. “You’re doing so good baby.” Liam praised, gently running his hands over Zayn’s thighs and ass. “C’mon beautiful, let’s get you undressed.” He said untying Zayn’s wrists. “Color?”

“Green.” Zayn replied, standing up while Liam helped him undress.

“Speak baby, think you’ve earned it.” Liam said taking off his own shirt and pants.

Zayn trailed his eyes up and down Liam’s body in admiration as he wrapped his arms around himself self-consciously. It had been a while since they’ve last had sex due to everything that had happened, especially with Liam’s recovery Zayn never wanted to hurt him in any way.

“What’s wrong?” Liam asked snapping him out of his thoughts. “If you don’t want to continue we-“

“No,” Zayn shook his head. “It’s just been a while since you’ve seen me completely naked and I feel super exposed and it’s kinda weird I guess.” He shrugged. “I’m being ridiculous never mind.”

“Baby, no.” Liam said making him put his arms down. “You’re so fucking beautiful and fuck I want you so badly, Zayn you have absolutely no idea how amazing you look right now.” He said kissing him roughly. “You’re a piece of art my darling, so fucking captivating.” He mumbled while kissing Zayn’s collarbones.

Zayn blushed a deep shade of pink completely forgetting his train of thought. “Liam,” He moaned lowly before Liam stopped, pulling away.

“Lay down on your tummy, gonna prep you.” He said getting out a bottle of lube while Zayn laid down on his stomach. He stayed still while impatiently waiting. “You’re so beautiful.” Liam half whispered now sitting in between Zayn’s legs. He slowly pressed small kisses along his thighs, taking his time.

Zayn whined softly, spreading his legs apart. “Fuck,” He breathed out, feeling Liam’s hot tongue against his hole. “please, sir. I need you so badly.” He begged gripping onto a mixture of the sheets and money.

“Patience, baby.” Liam said, rubbing his hand over Zayn’s lower back to help him calm down. He continued licking Zayn out, taking his time despite Zayn’s constant pleads and whines. Eventually, Liam decided to stop after hearing Zayn cry from overstimulation. He took the cock ring off of Zayn before fingering him gently. “You’re allowed to cum, darling. I wanna hear you scream.”

“Fuck!” Zayn panted, grinding down on Liam’s two fingers. He panted heavily as he tried fighting the urge to touch himself knowing he’d get spanked but that only encouraged him. He reached down carefully only jerking his cock once before Liam swatted his hand away. “Ugh.” He groaned when Liam pulled his fingers out giving him a sharp spank causing Zayn to cum, screaming.

Liam smirked smugly at the sight. “Lay on your back now.” He said before picking up the red silky rope. Zayn did as told, looking up at Liam as he tied Zayn’s wrists to the headboard. “How you feeling my little one?” He asked watching as Zayn tiredly blinked before saying anything. He looked stunning blissed out with his messy hair matted to his sweaty forehead.

“Green, sir.” He responded still hard. “I don’t wan’ anymore prep, I need you.”

“I know, I know my love.” Liam said, spreading Zayn’s legs. “M’gonna take care of you.” He said before slowly guiding his cock into Zayn’s tight hole, watching for any signs of discomfort. As much as he wanted to thrust into Zayn hard, he knew he had to be careful.

Zayn tilted his head back, trying to pull his arms free to grip onto something other than the bed frame. “Shit,” He moaned loudly, his jaw hung open as Liam carefully pushed in all the way. Tears rolled down Zayn’s cheeks as Liam stroked his cock slowly. “Fuck!” He groaned feeling Liam’s soft lips graze against his neck then down to his collarbones. “You’re cock is so fucking big.” He groaned still trying to adjust.

“Relax, angel.” Liam said sucking hickeys along his right collarbone, still slowly stroking Zayn’s cock.

“Move baby.” Zayn said, feeling Liam’s hands move to Zayn’s hips tightly. Carefully Liam began rolling his hips, moaning lowly. “Ah- Liam fuck!” He said becoming frustrated with the rope holding him back from gripping onto Liam.

Gradually, Liam picked up the pace. “You’re so fucking tight- fuck baby, you’re so amazing.” He said breathing heavily as money kept falling off of the bed with each hard thrust.

“Uh, uh” Zayn groaned feeling closer and closer as Liam’s thrust became more erratic. Liam kissed him roughly, moaning into his mouth before kissing along his jawline then toward his neck eventually biting/kissing his nipple playfully knowing how sensitive Zayn got. “Liam!” He practically screamed trying to grind against his cock.

“Fuck, Zayn m’close.” Liam moaned jerking off Zayn slowly, his thrusts becoming slower as he panted against Zayn’s hot skin.

Zayn whined loudly from the amount of pleasure that traveled all through his body, everything felt hot. “Liam, yellow.” He said breathing heavily tugging away from the rope needing his arms free. “I want it off.” He mumbled.

Liam immediately stopped his actions to untie Zayn. “Don’t worry baby, I got it.” He said trying to comfort Zayn. “You okay, my love?” He asked while pushing Zayn’s hair off of his forehead, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Zayn’s mouth.

“Overwhelmed.” He replied wrapping his arms loosely around Liam’s neck, the red rope loosely wrapped around his wrists. “M’good now- keep going.” He whispered before kissing him.

Liam didn’t have time to respond, kissing Zayn back gently, he continued thrusting slowly returning to the speed he was at previously. He placed his hands on Zayn’s hips lifting him up a bit, thrusting harder.

Zayn moaned loudly, gasping once Liam hit his prostate. “Oh shit! Fuck- Liam right there!” He groaned. “Fuck, fuck” He said with each thrust, arching his back. “Daddy, I’m gonna cum”

“Fuck, Zayn,” Liam groaned coming into Zayn’s hole with one last thrust, holding onto his hips tightly. Zayn came right after Liam, digging his dull nails into Liam’s biceps while screaming his name.

After they both came down from their highs, Liam kissed Zayn slowly. “I love you.” He mumbled pulling away from the kiss.

“I love you too.” Zayn said, his eyes droopy while admiring Liam. He ran a hand through Liam’s hair. “I feel dirty.” He pouted. “Did you by any chance get some soap or anything for a bath? As much as I love you, I’d rather not have our cum all over my body.”

Liam laughed, “Of course I did. I even got some bath bombs ‘cause I know you love them.” He said pressing a kiss to the tip of Zayn’s nose. “But, um, you’re good now right? Like, you were in the yellow area and- I dunno I just wanna be sure.”

Zayn nodded before replying. “I’m fine, I just got anxious and overwhelmed. I guess it’s been a long time and being so overstimulated made me- well, like that.” He shrugged, sitting up. “I’m fine though, really.” He said kissing Liam softly.

“No, I’m sorry baby, I’ll be careful.” Liam said standing up.

“Don’t apologize, everything was amazing.” He giggled. Slowly he climbed off the bed, the red satin rope tangled around his arms. He was a little unstable as he walked to the bathroom with a small limp. “This bathroom is huge.” He gazed at the modern white bathroom.

“Mhm.” Liam hummed, setting his hands on Zayn’s waist. “Everything is looking out for us my love.” He said pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Zayn turned around, a small smile on his lips. “Liam you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, we went from having nothing to literally fucking on a bed full of money.” He laughed looking up at him. “You’re fucking wild and I love you so much.” He said kissing him.

“I love you too.” Liam said with a smile. And that was that.


End file.
